We've Moved!

I've migrated my blog over to wordpress.  You can find the new one here (http://birthingdaybliss.com/wordpress)

See you there!

BirthingDayBliss is live!

It took me well over a month to launch my website, but its finally up!  There are a few things that I still would like to add, but the basic content is there. 

Its amazing how hard it is to create a doula website, and I'm not talking about the technical aspects.  Adding content is such a personal thing, and it reflects so heavily on what type of person/doula you can be.  Hopefully the message I send via http is one of a professional, creative, nurturing, and patient doula.

Help me spread the word and gain some traction on clients!

The Next Mother Theresa?

A few months ago, I took a personality test. But before you roll your eyes, hear me out.  This test was different (no, really, it was!).  Its called the Enneagram, and rather than one of those online tests that advocate finding the perfect love, or matching your personality with a famous celebrity profile, it identifies you as one of nine basic personality types.  Without going into a lot of detail, the premise of the Enneagram is that every single person in the world is one of nine basic personalities.  What makes it seem like everyone has so many more different personalities is that each person is at a varying level of health for that personality, ranging from very healthy to very unhealthy, in which the unhealthy ones exhibit psychotic tendencies.  When I first took the test, I was shocked and ashamed at some of the character traits that were descriptive of my base personality.  A sense of denial coursed through my body; that the test was wrong; that maybe I wasn't honest with myself when taking it.  However, as I processed it in my mind, I realized that everyone has SOME unhealthy tendencies, but generally speaking, I am a healthy 2 (I know, I kept the suspense up on purpose).  Below I highlight some of the better aspects of my personality:

Type Two Overview

We have named personality type Two The Helper because people of this type are either the most genuinely helpful to other people or, when they are less healthy they are the most highly invested in seeing themselves as helpful. Being generous and going out of their way for others makes Twos feel that theirs is the richest, most meaningful way to live. The love and concern they feel—and the genuine good they do—warms their hearts and makes them feel worthwhile. Twos are most interested in what they feel to be the “really, really good” things in life—love, closeness, sharing, family, and friendship.

...

When Twos are healthy and in balance, they really are loving, helpful, generous, and considerate. People are drawn to them like bees to honey. Healthy Twos warm others in the glow of their hearts. They enliven others with their appreciation and attention, helping people to see positive qualities in themselves that they had not previously recognized. In short, healthy Twos are the embodiment of “the good parent” that everyone wishes they had: someone who sees them as they are, understands them with immense compassion, helps and encourages with infinite patience, and is always willing to lend a hand—while knowing precisely how and when to let go. Healthy Twos open our hearts because theirs are already so open and they show us the way to be more deeply and richly human.

As I reflect on my base personality type, I realize that I was made to doula.  Once I found it, I knew that doula'ing was my calling.  After taking the Enneagram, it further validates that this is what I should be doing in my life.  By degree, I'm a software engineer, which is great.  It pays the bills and satisfies my intellectual needs.  However, it does not fulfill my innate desire to help people.  I've always been a helper, and a good one at that.  Add to that my natural tendency to nurture.  Even when angry, seeing a creature that needs nurturing will completely diffuse any other emotions I have.  Just this past weekend, I saved an injured blue bird while out in the Grand Canyon.  [The poor bird hit the window of the cabin we were staying in, and got stuck in a knot of bushes].  More than saving it, what was interesting is how strongly that act affected me.  I was sad for it for hours afterward.  I couldn't shake the feeling that I could have, should have done more to help it.  Sure, I have some of the unhealthy 2 habits.  Namely, I test my relationships incessantly.  For example, if my husband doesn't get me a glass of water, then I do find myself thinking that he cares less about me.  I've also been guilty of subconscious manipulation.  But overall, I still believe that I'm a fairly healthy 2.

Mother Theresa was the greatest Helper on this planet.  Her natural tendency to nurture, help, and love unconditionally are all qualities I greatly identify with.    I'm guessing Penny Simkin is also a 2, and hands down the Mother Theresa of the birthing world. If I can also be a Mother Theresa to birthing mamas, then that's the greatest way to stroke my own ego. 

I wonder, are all doulas Helpers by nature?

Labor & Laughter

This is more of a placeholder for me to remember to come to this site if I ever need distraction when I enter my birthing time. I read about 3 pages worth of this site and had to stop not only because it was so funny I was disrupting my office mate, but I couldn't breath by the end of it.

Getting Off My Soapbox

I recently reconnected with a few ex-coworkers of mine.  One of whom had a baby about a year ago, and another who is pregnant right now.  With the mom, she asked me about my opinion of C-sections, which got me on a bit of a rant about them.  The floodgates were open and i quickly realized I was going too far for a relatively simple question.  As I deleted sentence after sentence, deleting entire paragraphs, I realized I need to be more careful with my information.  So when my pregnant friend emailed me, I very cautiously recommended that she take a real childbirth education class and left it at that.  It was an entirely disappointing and unsatisfactory email for me.  Devoid of all emotion.

I have to constantly remind myself that not everybody is obsessed and disappointed with the state of modern obstetrics in America.  I have to remember to keep my opinions to myself, unless otherwise asked, or I run the risk of sounding like a snobby know it all, which does not help my cause.  The problem I face is that I have all this knowledge and have so much to offer these pregnant women that I simply can't help myself.  It pains me to see a woman go through pregnancy in a giddy, ignorant state, agreeing to medical procedures without batting an eyelash.  I resist the urge to scream, "LADIES!  There's more to being pregnant than getting a baby!  You become parents when you conceive, not when you go into the delivery room!"  But I have to remind myself that this is my opinion, not the opinion of most people.  And I have to remind myself that I can say this stuff to perhaps my close friends and family who have no choice but to love and listen to me, but not to distant acquaintances.  And its not even that I am trying to 'self-advertise' for my doula services...its simply because I want to share the knowledge.  Its like my little gift to them.  Being a mother is empowering, and to be empowered during the birth process is something some women don't even get a taste of.  Though I did not deliver unmedicated, and thus, did not feel the much talked about surge of power that rushes through a woman as she is pushing her baby out, I got a taste of it by not only standing up to the doctors, but by laboring without meds and feeling my uterus push the baby out on its own.

So though I may not always be able to say this to a pregnant woman's face, I say it here, "Open your eyes and mind.  You may not have the life changing birth many woman have; and you'll probably have a healthy baby just like the rest of us, but for your own sake, educate yourselves.  I mean really educate yourselves.  The decisions you make now do have the potential of changing your life forever...like it did mine.  Even in "failure", I feel like such a stronger woman than I was before having Krish.  It has nothing to do with motherhood, and everything to do with an empowered birth."

End rant.

Trained Doula

Goddess Kali is a powerful Hindu Goddess, she is the essence of Mother Nature and represents the fertility of new crops and new life. Kali is the ultimate Goddess for helping things reach fruition and she is a powerful force to those who call upon her. Kali will help you reach your full potential, she is particularly powerful when it is time to move on, start a new project or phase in your life.

This past weekend, I attended a birth doula workshop.  It was very enlightening and empowering to learn about all of the ways that doulas can help a woman have the birth experience she desires.  I was reminded of the fact that we can help ANY laboring woman, not just the ones who desire an unmedicated and low intervention birth.  All women need a hand to hold, and while her partner may be the obvious first choice, there are times when the partner is either unavailable, insufficient, or incapable.  Especially for heterosexual relationships, the partner may not understand the feelings on discomfort a woman feels when enduring labor.

In the workshop, we went through an exercise of finding out what type of doula you will be.  It turned out that for me, my reasons for becoming a doula are more for being an advocate of the woman.  While, of course, we're all concerned for the health and well-being of the baby, my primary concern is to empower the woman.  We are constantly reminded to NEVER speak for the woman, but to encourage her to speak for herself.  We are her personal cheerleaders.

At the end of the workshop, in addition to receiving some run-of-the-mill certificates, I also received this very cool goddess pendant.   As the caption above states, Kali is a powerful force for those who call upon her.  I love this pendant not only because it ties very nicely into my Hindu beliefs, but also because I feel I can be a powerful force to laboring women.  I am here to help a woman help herself.  I plan on wearing this pendant to every birth I attend.  I feel it will help me stay calm and collected as I start this journey of becoming a better doula.  I also feel I can use it as a focusing tool for the mother.  If I can get her to focus on the pendant, get her to draw on the powers of this Goddess to make it through 'just one more pressure wave', then I've successfully gotten her one step closer to the ultimate goal.  In addition, many doulas add a bead to their pendant necklaces for every birth they've attended.  Not only is it a great way to denote each birth, but I also view it as a way to draw on each experience.  Since every birth is so very different, I anticipate learning something new every time.  As a way to bring that with me to every birth, I will wear this necklace.  In addition, each woman brings in a certain level of power to each birth.  So by wearing it, I wish to tie all these laboring woman together, adding to the sisterhood of laboring woman, giving each other strength, confidence, and patience to make it through.

Incidentally, if you know of anyone looking for a doula in the Orange County (California) area, let me know.  I'm taking clients!  You can email me at shadargee@yahoo.com

Why Be A Doula?

I'm registering for my very first course towards becoming a DONA International certified Labor Doula (yay!!!).  In registering, I'm required to include a couple of paragraphs about why I want to be a doula.  Here it is:

When I became pregnant with my first child, the idea of trying for an unmedicated birth greatly appealed to me, though I was unprepared when it came to the big day.  With my second child, I was even more interested in having an unmedicated birth and explored the idea of hiring a doula to help me.  That exploration opened up a whole new world of birthing that I feel most 'modern' Americans are unaware of.  All of a sudden, I found myself becoming increasingly more obsessed about the current state of American Obstetrics and the choices new parents don't consider, often relying on the knowledge (or lack thereof) provided by their doctors.  I found that most women don't have the right support system in place to stand up for what they want, even if it does align with what the doctor's prefer.

Primarily, I want to help people.  I want to be able to inform new parents about the choices they do have when in labor, and to let them know that, yes, it really is ok to say no to a medical procedure.  I want to be able to have a more in depth discussion about the choices they have that goes beyond a little pamphlet given to them at a prenatal visit.  Secondary to that, is to help new parents achieve the birth they desire.  I prefer to call a pregnant couple new parents as opposed to expecting parents because, really, the responsibilities and decisions start right away...not once the baby is born.  For those that want to have an unmedicated birth, I want to help the woman succeed and help her cope if there is a change of plans.  Finally, and selfishly, being their for the birth of a child, any child, is such a miracle.  I love experiencing and reliving those precious moments, albeit vicariously through someone else.

Birth is not something to be feared, rather it should be revered!!